She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
