I feel great
I just peed on a car
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
