Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
