Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
