Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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