I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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