I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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