Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
