So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
