In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
