Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He did a backflip because drugs
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