hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
