its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
