How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
