im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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