Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
