So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
