Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
