Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
