dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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