I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
