Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
