What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
