It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
