He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
