My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
