Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
