I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Alive.
So much puke
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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