I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
