It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
