In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
