I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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