I think i peed on brittanys purse
you traded sex for a burrito?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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