i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize