there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
