im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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