so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
