I will die if light touches me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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