He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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