when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
