Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
