Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
