Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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