For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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