Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
