I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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