I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
