Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
