epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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