told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm both gender and math confused
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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