he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
