I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
