He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
