saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
