Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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