I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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