I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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