Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
