I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
