so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
