she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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