Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
