Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
