You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
