and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
