thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My liver just broke up with me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
