I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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