You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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