i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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